Thursday, April 21, 2011

Project 16:9 Week 2

(Click the button to see what Project 16:9 is)

This week's assignment was for us to write down everything that was keeping us from achieving our goals, and being who we wanted to be.  We had to make a list of what was holding us back, what was stopping us from dreaming big. 

After writing our list, we were to tear it up and throw it away...Let those negative things go. 

I know. Easier said than done, right?  I hang onto yucky feelings of self doubt, and worry, and just an overall feeling of not ever being good enough, like a person drowning in an ocean hangs onto a life preserver.  I can't seem to shake those feelings... no matter how many times I tell myself that God loves me, I am His child, I was created in His image, and GOD DOES NOT MAKE UGLY THINGS!

Courtney telling me to throw them away, to let them go, DID NOT make it any easier to do than it did when I told myself the same thing. 

After getting rid of the negative list, we were to make a plan for ourselves to help us achieve the goals we listed during WEEK 1.

So here you go....
1.  I want to adopt one day- I know right now isn't the best time, we've got two kids that don't even sleep through the night, a car that won't hold another little, and no money saved up. BUT, I am excited to start praying about this desire, and ask God to help us know when the time is right. I am thankful that my husband is on the same page and wants to adopt also (that would have been step 1, convincing him, hehe).  Hopefully by next year we can look into starting classes, do a home study, and have some money saved up.

2.  I want to lose weight- Ugh, wish I could skip over this one. Seriously. This has been one of the most difficult struggles I have ever had to face in my life. I have tried diet after diet, I have tried exercise (my motivation fades when I don't lose weight fast enough), I have tried to conquer this battle on my own, and I always fail.  My plan would be to give this struggle over to God. I need to pray for Him to give me strength, the desire, the will power, and the ability to forgive myself if I fail.

3.  Have more patience- I can get so stressed and tired with my two littles. I know it seems wrong to get frustrated with a 9 month old or a 2 year old, but I have and I do.  I think part of it has to do with being home all day, not having anyone else to take out frustrations with (not on, but with, talking through things, having someone to vent to), and feeling so tired and stressed.  So my plan is to BREATHE! I am going to breathe first, respond second. I will remember that I don't have to add to my stress level by responding in anger or frustration. I can take 5,10, or even 15 seconds to think about the best way to discipline would be, and then take action.

4.  Raise my children to be faithful to the Lord- This is my most important job as a Christian mom. Some days I feel like I am doing a good job. I tell my son about God and Jesus, about being kind to others (especially his sister), and how God created the earth and everything in it. What more can you talk about with a 2 year old?  Other days I feel like a failure in this area because we aren't active in a church right now (not that you have to go to church to be a "good Christian", because you DON'T), and we don't actively serve in an organized ministry (again, not that you have to do this).  I completely believe that church doesn't save people, Christ does.  But I also know that God says fellowship with other believers is important, and it provides encouragement, support, and accountability.  I would like to find a home church, one that we can grow as believers in, one that we can grow as a family in, and one that will help grow our faith.

5.  Continue Blogging-  I am still trying to balance blogging, and other aspects of social media with family time, and caring for my kids. I feel like there aren't enough hours in each day. I honestly don't know how to accomplish all I want to accomplish without neglecting someone or somethings.  My husband and kids shouldn't be those someones though. I think I need to implement some kind of time limit or schedule so that I don't get consumed by the laptop during the day.   If anyone has any tips to help me, I would love to hear them.  How do you moms or busy ladies handle this dilemma?

6-7 .  Decorate my Home and Be Content with what I have done- this is a big struggle for me too. I have low self esteem and I feel like I everything I do never turns out right.  I know that I have way more than what I need, and I should be grateful for the what I do have. So my plan is to stop putting down my abilities, to stop second guessing my finished projects, and to stop focusing so much on what other people can do. I am going to be thankful for the talents and skills God gave me and feel grateful for the opportunities I have. This will mean I need to spend more time in the Word and more time thanking God for His blessings.

8. Grow in my Relationship with God- This is so important to my future and my well being right now. I need to have a strong healthy relationship with the Lord if I am going to accomplish any of my goals.  I haven't always had a strong relationship with Christ. At one point I tried to walk away from Him and it was the most destructive time I have ever had in my life.  I need to stop taking this relationship for granted as well and spend time with Him.

9-10.  Feel Successful at Something & Gain Self Esteem- I think this has kind of been the theme of this post, wouldn't you agree? I feel somewhat like a broken record here, but maybe I need that kind of repetition to really get the fact that I need God to move in me and restore my heart and my mind before I can accomplish anything else on the list.  I can't seem to type this enough, I need to PRAY, SEEK HIM, and READ HIS WORD. 

Thanks for bearing with my though my awkward attempts to do this great study. Hopefully you'll be somewhat inspired or at least reflective on the areas in your life you might want to change or focus on more. 



Kimberly said...

If you find the magic answer to #5 could you let me know? I struggle with the same thing!

These are great steps and I can relate in almost every single one of them! Don't doubt yourself though, you're a WONDERFUL person! Wash the negative thoughts and fears away. We love you for who you are!

Courtney K. said...

These all sound like GREAT steps to getting where you want to go. I understand how hard it is to throw out those negative emotions and feelings of doubt. Most days for me it is a CONSTANT decision not to let negativity creep in. It's hard. But you CAN do it! :) I'll be praying for you guys as you begin the possible journey of adoption. Just remember that God's timing is perfect! Finding the balance between blogging and family life is so tough...I always feel like I am lacking a few needed hours in the day. :) Thanks so much for linking up!! I hope this week continues to be inspiring for you!!

Heather said...

I am trying to only blog during naptime and when the kids are in bed. It works well for me because my husband works nights, so I'm not taking away from him either.

I have also structured it so I write at naptime (unless inspiration hits and I can't resist) and comment at bedtime. And I set a limit for each day. It's easy to want to visit everyone so I don't miss something, but I just remind myself that their posts will still be there when I get to them!

Good luck!

Beverly @ said...

Ok - so it feels weird but I want to recommend a book to you. ;) It sounds like we struggle with a lot of the same things and this book really made a difference to me at one of my lowest points.
It's called "Captivating" by John & Staci Elderedge. Here's what it says in the last paragraph of the summery on the back. "The message of Captivating is this: Your heart matters more than anything else in all creation. The desires you had as a little girl and the longings you still feel as a woman- they are telling you of the life God created you to live. He offers to come now as the Hero of your story, to rescue your heart and release you to live as a fully alive and feminine woman. A woman who is truly captivating."
Ok. Longest comment ever. But check it out on Amazon. It made a big difference in helping me to see myself the way God sees me - not they way I see me.